Confusion.

I'm gonna let it kill itself, I won't try to give it energy, I will just watch it die as I drink tea.
Tomorrow I'll get splashed with water, because I'm too beautiful, but none of them will know that I'm also wise, and fun, and loving, and kind.
Maybe I won't come back, from Auchwitz, because life is not worth it, this suffering is nothing, compared to all that. I'm staying in the place where they waited, until they told them 'you'll be moved', so they packed up their goods. All those chairs are placed around town, to remember all those lives taken, all those families broken, all the crimes, all the broken hearts.
Compared to that, I'm nothing, my feelings are nothing, and I want to cry so bad, not for me, but for them. For their lives that were taken away, for their children, for them. I will cry my heart out there, but it will not be for you, or for me. It will be for something that's worth it, it will be for the real pain of this world. It will be for the burden of the Germans, and the pain of the Jews, it will be for the insanity of humanity; not for this stupid tiny life, stupid tiny heart or this stupid tiny mind. It will be for something that is worth it, that's why I'm gonna cry.



But it still hurts, it still strangles my guts and makes me want to cry and end it all up. It reminds me of the past, I wish I'm not going back, and if I do, I'm sorry, but I'll leave you too.